i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
