I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
