how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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