I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
