It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
