She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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