My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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