I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
