Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
