i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
