how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
