i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
