I am puke
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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