good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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