my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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