I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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