Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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