I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
