Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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