I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
