im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
did you just send me my own nude
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
