God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
