she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
