is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
