If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
