the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
