There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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