The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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