Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
