dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
