i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
