After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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