so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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