When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
