I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
