Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
