She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
