I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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