Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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