people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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