her vagine was all disorganized.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
