My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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