I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
