dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
