9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
