i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize