We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
