Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
