dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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