the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
