i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
