I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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