I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
