I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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