Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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