I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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