Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
