actually, I'm a sock model
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
