the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
