i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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