it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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