The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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