census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
