I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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