Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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