You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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