Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
