A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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