I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
