Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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